How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
