Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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