Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
