I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
