just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
3pm strippers are depressing
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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