i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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