not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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