dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
