Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
