what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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