You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
