I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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