first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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