Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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