i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
