My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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