I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
