So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
