Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
