I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
only you would photoshop your dick
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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