glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
