can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
