take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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