I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
