I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
