And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have already put on my inside pants.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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