I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
