So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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