last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
