Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
