omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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