Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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