Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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