You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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