is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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