i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
