if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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