if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
