You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
