Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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