Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Randomize
