Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
