so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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