Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
