He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
