I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
