maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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