How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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