she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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