does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
