You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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