come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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