i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
