I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
