its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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